My Grandma

Today Grandma had yet another back surgery. She didn't tell me about it (probably wouldn't really want me to share it on the internet but she doesn't have a computer...) she has always been kind of private about stuff like that, more just so people don't worry. Well, got a call from dad and she did fine. Hopefully she will have a speedy recovery. I was terribly worried, I hate not being closer to my family sometimes, I feel like I am missing out on so much. I still have lots of family there and know that someday they will be gone, will I regret living so far away? Probably.
She doesn't like to have her picture taken, that is why she looks so happy. This was 2 years ago at her 70th birthday party, Julia (4 weeks old) and I flew out to surprise her.

5 years

This morning I stumbled across a blog of a lady who had a stillborn baby at 37 weeks. Of course as a mom I was moved and saddened by this. Then my husband said today is Dad's birthday. Then my memory hit me hard, it was also Luke's due date. He would have been 5. I often think how different our lives would have been if I hadn't miscarried at 15 weeks, if he had made it to full term, if Logan had a brother, so close to his age to play with, if we were celebrating his birthday today. Of course I realize that we wouldn't have our two beautiful daughters and am grateful for the life we have but sometimes you just wonder.
The strange thing about having a miscarriage (or two) is that you discover it is really a common thing. Most of my friends have had at least one, many have had multiple. My most vivid memories of finding out that I was miscarrying was at that ultrasound when the Dr said there was no heartbeat, then he assured me it was ok to cry, I was trying to hold it in, worried about others comfort. Knowing my daughter and son were out in the hall, worried about telling them, worried about telling my sister who was also pregnant, worried about being able to move on. We didn't plan on having Luke, as a matter a fact it was kind of hard to deal with at first, but as time went on we were getting excited. The age difference between Logan and his sisters was 8 & 12 years, so it would be great for him to have a sibling closer in age, and how crazy to have 4 kids?

After I delivered him, in our bedroom, I remember looking at how perfect he was, 10 fingers, 10 toes, everything so unbelievable tiny. The next day I was taking a shower and I remember leaning against the wall crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath wondering if I was to get pregnant again right away would all this pain go away? Then, what if it happened again? (It did) How would I survive? (I have)

It has been over 5 years now, and although I have had two healthy daughters since then I still think of our little boy that didn't make it and wonder what he would be like today. I miss you sweet one.

Dishes...

So, I know I am not the only person in this world without a dishwasher, it isn't even the first time in my life that we have lived without one. The house we rented before we built this one didn't have one and we didn't even notice until we were moving in, the house before that had two. Anyway, our dishwasher broke last March while we were out of town (the 5 kids were here dirtying dishes up). For a while I didn't mind doing dishes by hand, as long as I kept up with them it wasn't too bad. The last three days I have done all the dishes except the pans so everyday I think I will do ALL of them today, then I don't. I have looked around at what I want to replace it with and they are just not in the budget right now ( I have been told I have champagne tastes blah blah blah). I considered buying a used one just for now but dh said why bother (he isn't doing as many dishes as I am apparently). So, there is a sink full of dishes and that is probably where I will be while the kids are at a sleepover, what a waste. Really need a maid. Wanna live here.
At least I have my cute apron to wear. My first "real" sewing project as modeled by my daughter. I was happy with the results.

Still around

I notice on a lot of the blogs I read when there has been a absence or sporadic postings it is usually due to a move or a pregnancy. We have had neither (Thank God!). We are however in the middle of summer, meaning all the kids are home (making messes), and it is near 100 degrees most days. Fortunately every evening it cools off enough before bed to be outside, in the garden, riding bikes etc. I love Colorado nights, always cool enough to open the windows.

I have been working on my sewing lately, made a crayon holder, and smock for a friends birthday, I like the way they turned out, will have to make one for my kids.
Sorry for the crappy photos, still haven't got my dream camera. Speaking of dreams they released the info on (one of) my dream cars.I realize that a 4 seater car isn't very practical, but surely the trunk is big enough right? For the groceries of course. This is the only color that works for me, gotta love the orange and black.

Don't want to over do it on my 1st time back (and there are some things that need to be done around here).