Happy Anniversary

Seventeen years ago I was 19 and getting ready for my wedding. I only have spotty memories, supported by photos (pre-digital, sorry, will try to scan but I wouldn't hold your breath). I do remember the night before my wedding one of my rings from a previous boyfriend lost the diamond, probably a sign I should stop wearing it (I did). I know my mom was working on my wedding dress and Kristen's flower girl dress until the last minute, but they were beautiful. Our wedding was small probably less than 50 people, but they were all we needed, our parents, my sister, his brother, grandparents from both sides, neighbors and friends. We had a small reception afterwards with cake and we opened our presents. We knew that Matt's parents were sending us to Hawaii for our honeymoon but getting the tickets and some cash for the trip was definately exciting. After we changed clothes we drove off in our freshly decorated car and went for a bite to eat ( I think I was too nervous to eat before but was starving by then). We didn't leave until the next morning, it was a wonderful trip. Kristen stayed with the grandmas, maybe if she would have gone with us she wouldn't have felt the desire to go so soon after she turned 18? Oh well, here's hoping for another 17 great years.

Relax

The past week has been quite a challenge as far as our son goes. He has been really "off". I am not sure what the problem is but we are going to go camping for a few days and I hope it will help. Maybe some fresh air, and family time will do us all some good. Technically dh will be working (along with whoever he can get to go with him) but at least we will be in the mountains and the temperature won't be as bad as here (we have been in the 100's yuck).

I finally finished the small girls outfits (the button holes were giving me problems, they were my first) I will post pics when we get back. Better get the car loaded!

My Grandma

Today Grandma had yet another back surgery. She didn't tell me about it (probably wouldn't really want me to share it on the internet but she doesn't have a computer...) she has always been kind of private about stuff like that, more just so people don't worry. Well, got a call from dad and she did fine. Hopefully she will have a speedy recovery. I was terribly worried, I hate not being closer to my family sometimes, I feel like I am missing out on so much. I still have lots of family there and know that someday they will be gone, will I regret living so far away? Probably.
She doesn't like to have her picture taken, that is why she looks so happy. This was 2 years ago at her 70th birthday party, Julia (4 weeks old) and I flew out to surprise her.

5 years

This morning I stumbled across a blog of a lady who had a stillborn baby at 37 weeks. Of course as a mom I was moved and saddened by this. Then my husband said today is Dad's birthday. Then my memory hit me hard, it was also Luke's due date. He would have been 5. I often think how different our lives would have been if I hadn't miscarried at 15 weeks, if he had made it to full term, if Logan had a brother, so close to his age to play with, if we were celebrating his birthday today. Of course I realize that we wouldn't have our two beautiful daughters and am grateful for the life we have but sometimes you just wonder.
The strange thing about having a miscarriage (or two) is that you discover it is really a common thing. Most of my friends have had at least one, many have had multiple. My most vivid memories of finding out that I was miscarrying was at that ultrasound when the Dr said there was no heartbeat, then he assured me it was ok to cry, I was trying to hold it in, worried about others comfort. Knowing my daughter and son were out in the hall, worried about telling them, worried about telling my sister who was also pregnant, worried about being able to move on. We didn't plan on having Luke, as a matter a fact it was kind of hard to deal with at first, but as time went on we were getting excited. The age difference between Logan and his sisters was 8 & 12 years, so it would be great for him to have a sibling closer in age, and how crazy to have 4 kids?

After I delivered him, in our bedroom, I remember looking at how perfect he was, 10 fingers, 10 toes, everything so unbelievable tiny. The next day I was taking a shower and I remember leaning against the wall crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath wondering if I was to get pregnant again right away would all this pain go away? Then, what if it happened again? (It did) How would I survive? (I have)

It has been over 5 years now, and although I have had two healthy daughters since then I still think of our little boy that didn't make it and wonder what he would be like today. I miss you sweet one.

Dishes...

So, I know I am not the only person in this world without a dishwasher, it isn't even the first time in my life that we have lived without one. The house we rented before we built this one didn't have one and we didn't even notice until we were moving in, the house before that had two. Anyway, our dishwasher broke last March while we were out of town (the 5 kids were here dirtying dishes up). For a while I didn't mind doing dishes by hand, as long as I kept up with them it wasn't too bad. The last three days I have done all the dishes except the pans so everyday I think I will do ALL of them today, then I don't. I have looked around at what I want to replace it with and they are just not in the budget right now ( I have been told I have champagne tastes blah blah blah). I considered buying a used one just for now but dh said why bother (he isn't doing as many dishes as I am apparently). So, there is a sink full of dishes and that is probably where I will be while the kids are at a sleepover, what a waste. Really need a maid. Wanna live here.
At least I have my cute apron to wear. My first "real" sewing project as modeled by my daughter. I was happy with the results.

Still around

I notice on a lot of the blogs I read when there has been a absence or sporadic postings it is usually due to a move or a pregnancy. We have had neither (Thank God!). We are however in the middle of summer, meaning all the kids are home (making messes), and it is near 100 degrees most days. Fortunately every evening it cools off enough before bed to be outside, in the garden, riding bikes etc. I love Colorado nights, always cool enough to open the windows.

I have been working on my sewing lately, made a crayon holder, and smock for a friends birthday, I like the way they turned out, will have to make one for my kids.
Sorry for the crappy photos, still haven't got my dream camera. Speaking of dreams they released the info on (one of) my dream cars.I realize that a 4 seater car isn't very practical, but surely the trunk is big enough right? For the groceries of course. This is the only color that works for me, gotta love the orange and black.

Don't want to over do it on my 1st time back (and there are some things that need to be done around here).

No apologies..

Every time I fail to blog for a while I start off with saying how sorry I am that I have been gone, not this time. I blog constantly, in my head, while doing dishes, I just never make it to my computer. Lots has happened since Feb, we have had 5 birthdays, 3 trips, countless play dates, I will try and catch up soon but for now, my first Flickr meme. My friend decided we needed to work on this today (because between us we had nothing better to do).



The Questions:

1. What is your first name? Michelle
2. What is your favorite food? We are finally getting a Chipotle here, I am so excited.
3. What high school did you go to? I went to Margaret Hudson, it was a "special" school for pregnant teens :)
4. What is your favorite color? Cornflower Blue, isn't it pretty?
5. Who is your celebrity crush? I have a thing for Matthews apparently
6. Favorite drink? I know everyone thought it was Diet Coke but I am trying to quit again.
7. Dream vacation? Absolutely Lord Howe Island, I am hoping we can go for our 20th anniversary, or at least by our 50th.
8. Favorite dessert? I love cake.
9. What you want to be when you grow up? I don't really want to be Martha Stewart but I would love to have house as clean as hers and as nicely decorated.
10. What do you love most in life? Family of course.
11. One Word to describe you. Adaptable is what we came up with and since I love zebras I had to choose this image.
12. Your flickr name. Andfornoreason.